The Legacy of a Traveler, Book One: The Homeworlds
Chapter 1: A Lifetime on a Grassy Plain (The World of Knowledge)
By Polar Kodiak
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I don't recall falling asleep, but I do remember waking up. My eyes opened slowly, and shut tightly once more as the brightness seeped into my optical nerves. After a few more trials, my eyesight eventually adapted to the bright light streaming down upon me from above. As I attempted to push myself into a sitting position, I found that I was completely paralyzed; I was no more mobile than any other inanimate object. The only other indications of any animate life to a passer-by from my frail body were my shallow breaths, rapid and panicked. There was a powerful force akin to a stalwart hand forcing me into the rich loam beneath me, restricting my movement. My futile attempts to take a breath were strangled at best, impossible at worst. With a great struggle, I lifted a hand onto my chest, which only resulted in further strain. The oppressive weight on my torso pressed down harder, and I heard a few small cracks from that area, which quickly made themselves more apparent through sharp lances of pain that soon gripped my chest in a vice of agony. Opening my mouth, I labored to produce a scream.
Nothing. My body was too weak and the great weight crushing my wretched form prevented me from producing the most basic of sounds. I felt such anguish at my bitter condition that it wasnt long before a small, salty tear rolled down my cheek, landing with an audible thud next to my ear. I wanted nothing more than to curl up and sob at my pathetic plight, and yet I was restricted from even doing something as rudimentary as assuming the fetal position.
With much difficulty and effort, I was able to pull my own limb off me, reducing my load and allowing me to breathe with a little less difficulty. Closing my eyes in relief, I lay back and relaxed as much as I could allow; my continual fight against the Great Force driving me into the soil did not cease, despite my relaxed body disposition. Beads of perspiration followed the same path as my former tears of anguish, which ran parallel to my bodily waste dripping off my body onto the soft ground below.
Ever so slowly, I pushed the Great Force into a temporary retreat, and lifted my frail, skeleton-like arms for a victorious moment before they came crashing back down with a great tremor. Still, the triumph was savored and inspired me to fight the Force with newfound strength and determination. My campaign soon proved fruitful; before long, I could manage to attain a sitting position with little difficulty as my muscles became not only larger and bulkier, but toned as well. After such a continual struggle, there was not one visible bit of fat on my now muscular body.
Deciding that I had too long focused on only my internal struggle, I halted my bodys strengthening to temporarily explore, shifting my focus from internal to external.
All around me was an endless, rolling plain of lightly colored grass. Wait a moment- that isnt accurate. As I twisted my torso, I noticed what could have been a forest to my left, and a group of rolling hills elsewhere, as my focus shifted away from the forest. Both looked far off, and it would take considerable strength merely to venture towards either destination. If I wanted to travel there, I would have to continue my fight for survival.
Letting out a deep breath and falling back onto my elbows, I tucked in my neck. It quickly became apparent that I was wearing strange clothing that I didnt remember ever seeing before, much less putting on.
I was wearing a three-piece jumpsuit of some thick, heavy material. The pants covered my legs down to my upper ankles, where boots of the same material protected my feet. The suit top that I was wearing covered most of my torso, but stopped just above my shoulders a rather lengthy distance from my belt- that seemed to be made of the same material, with the exception of a crystal buckle. From where the shirt stopped the jacket covered the rest of my upper body up to my neck with a high, open collar. Unfortunately, the collar was excruciatingly tight and I had to pull it into a more comfortable position. The jacket itself reached halfway down my forearms, and there were gloves that reached up only just past my fingers. Predictably, these gloves were fashioned of the same material as the rest of my garments.
In other words, my clothing was much too small and tight to be comfortable at all. The worst part, however, was the sudden discomfort in certain areas whenever I tried to move. As if responding to this request, my clothing began to expand and grow, elongating and filling out. Momentarily stunned by what appeared to be sentient clothing, I soon dismissed it as simply the way that all clothing was made.
As I struggled to recollect when, where and how I had dressed myself- the material was quite bulky and Im not sure how or why I would wear clothing this heavy- the event failed to materialize in my memory. Through further analysis, not one memory came to mind from any other point in my existence. My name, birthdate, age, place of birth, parents, siblings, where I lived- these were all unknown to me.
Obviously, some kind of amnesia or fugue had shaken my memories, because I also had no idea where I learned those words or what language I was thinking in. Panic threatened to overwhelm me, but then my rather tranquil situation became apparent: I was merely sitting, on this grassy expanse, propped on my elbows, calmly wondering critical data such as who I was. Normally, any normal person would have become hysterical by such information, and Im not even sure how I knew that information.
Why am I not experiencing any emotion? I am calm, collected, rational...
Ye better not forget to mention a pain in the arse, laddie. Yer incessant, redundant rambling about how ye de not know anything is beginning to piss meh off...
Why don't you let the little bugger find out for himself? That's his job, anyway.
Shut yer mouth, Basket!
Make me, fatboy!
What was that? Who was that? I brought myself into a crouch, carefully scanning the area for someone who might have escaped my previous sweep of the area. Those voices- it was as if they were coming from inside my mind.
Stop trying to find meh, laddie. Ye canna see somethin' that's in yer mind. At least, no' yet.
Well, Femme saw God yesterday.
That wasn't God, ye stupid idiot. That was ye and her makin' whoopie in yer bed.
So it was, so it was...I fail to see the difference...wait a minute. Whoopie? Ha ha ha! By the Mutt-God, you're dense.
My eyes bulged. Now I began to get nervous. The first voice was deep and heavily accented. I couldn't place the accent. The other voice was also deep, but a different accent accompanied it. I tried contact again. Whoever I was talking to could communicate with my thoughts, and that left me a little worried. Who are you? What are you doing in my head?
Ah'm yer guide on this miserable ball of rock, wee one. The name's Regulator, but'cha can call meh Reg. Mah job is ta make sure ye dont go bonkers, among other things...
Since the disgruntled Scotsman has no manners of any kind, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Basket, Rasta-Reggie's polar opposite. Our job is to produce balance in your mind, even if lame-brained Scottie here isn't keen on letting you enjoy the finer things in life.
Regulator, what are you and why are you in my mind? More importantly, how can you get out? As soon as possible, if you don't mind. I don't like the idea of whatever it is that you are reading my thoughts.
Its really simple, lad. It was decided that ye might need a wee bit of help absorbing all that ye were designed for, so ah was built into your mind to help ye sort it all out.
Actually, youve got two lunatics in your mind: a fascist named Reggie, and a brilliant, devout, High Priest of the all-powerful Mutt-God named Basket. You better get used to it, because we're not leaving anytime soon.
That laugh from my neural companion sent shivers down my spine. Designed? By whom?
That'd be telling, laddie. Besides, ye don't actually believe a word ah'm sayin, so what does it matter?
I dont believe you either, you bas...bas...bas...scoundrel! Why can't you get rid of this blasted profanity-lock!
Why should ah? Yer annoyed by it. Besides, ah didn't ask ye, idiot. Didn't ah tell ye ta keep yer filthy mouth shut?
Like I give a rats as...as...behind what you tell me.
Why meh? Designers, why meh?
My eyes bulged again, only moments after which they returned to regular size. Who or whatever these entities were must be telepathic, because I was sure that I had not said anything out loud. And the exchange between the two rivaling voices in my head was more than just a bit unsettling. But still... telepathy?
More or less, laddie. Since ah'm here anyway, allow mah to prove to ye that ah'm actually in yer head- to the best of mah ability, anyway- since yer very nature forbids ye from believing something that cannot be proven by science or beyond a reasonable doubt.
If that's true, then how does he account for waking up on this planet with no real proof that he was planted here by extraterrestrials in the first place? Could any other then the great deity whose name is too beautiful and divine to mention accomplish this miracle?
Shut yer piehole.
I wasnt exactly sure what he meant by that earlier statement about science and whatnot, but I found out soon enough. My right arm shot out, locking my elbow. I stared at the unusual movement, considering I had in no way ordered my arm to produce such motion. Thats when the obvious struck; Regulator had control of my motor functions. Quickly forcing my arm back under voluntary control, I bent it and rubbed the elbow as I silently whispered rather violent thoughts.
Dont ye worry yer pretty head about it, laddie. Ah don't have much control, y'see, and yer will can overpower mine at any time, so it's not such a big deal.
Silently, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had only recently gained control over my own body functions, and I had grown angry at the possibility of one of these two entities having control of my body.
Anyway, how about ye get up and take a look at yer home.
No! Before you do that, you must get to your knees and thank the almighty deity of the Mutts for your life, infidel!
Buzz off, Basket. Yer frightening the children.
The only child around here is you, at least in terms of sexual maturity.
How dare ye! Take that back now, ye dolt!
How dare you insult me as such! I have more of a mission here then you, you ignoramus!
My eyebrows creased in puzzlement as I attempted to figure out another of Regulators quizzical phrases. My home? I have no recollection of ever living here, and this place doesnt even look familiar. Then again, if I have amnesia, I guess it wouldn't really matter.
Relax, kid. Ye've never seen this place before. In fact, this is the first place yeve ever been, so you dont really have amnesia. Or fugue for that matter, since thats more severe than amnesia. Actually, ye were just born, in a matter of speakin'.
Why cant you just leave him alone? Must you do nothing but blindly follow Overseer's orders like some dog? Ha ha ha! Overseer's lapdog! Overseer's lapdog!
Shut up, ye stupid Basket! Don't ever call me that, ye hear? Get back 'ere, ye lazy excuse for a persona! Sorry, kid, but ah gotta take care o' some troublemakers.
Hey, Reggie? Ive been meaning to ask you; just why do you have to sound like some bad imitation of a Scotsman?
Now I was truly getting confused. What's a Scotsman? Regulator told me he would explain what that meant later. I wasn't sure I wanted Basket's explanation, as it would surely involve many Mutt-God-related events and other ideology that I was quickly becoming nauseated to. He went silent for a little while, leaving me alone with my thoughts for the first timewell, in my existence, I guess. Sure, there were those few moments before Regulator and Basket decided to intrude on my life, but that wasn't very significant.
Standing was accomplished with greater difficulty than I expected; Probably because I had never done it before. Then again, it might be my massive clothing. Furthermore, the Great Force had only been beaten back, not defeated, by my muscular development.
I took these few moments of peace to survey what I had, resource-wise. There were no visible sources of food, plant or animal. The forest might have some kind of animal life that I might be able to catch, and the mountains might be able to supply some kind of stone. It would be a far walk, but I should be able to make it by nightfall- whenever that was. I wonder...
Sorry about that, laddie. Some of the others were makin trouble, and ah had ta deal with 'em. Stupid Basket...
That's a total load of manure and you know it. I saw you dragging Femme into that closet, you sexually-starved freak of nature! Swine!
Ah did nothin of the kind! Yer probably talkin about yerself again!
Perfect. The idiotic duo is back.
Hate us already, laddie? Thats not very reasonable, ye know. Well, hating Basket ah can understand, him being a blithering idiot and all, but hating a possible friend whom could tell ye exactly whats going on, thats not yer style at all... Besides, ahm not going anywhere.
Like thats news, you nitwit.
Ah hope for yer sake that ye learn to sleep lightly...
I silently asked myself about the wisdom of beings with the capability to design life, but without the common sense to not install two entities in my brain that had no civility whatsoever to each other. Perhaps I should trust these two until I can discover a reason not tovery well, Regulator, Ill trust you- for now. I guess I'm stuck with you too, Basket, so it looks like were all going to have to get along. So, now that you've returned, can either of you at least tell me my name?
1-JDK-985.
He's lying. Ill tell you your name, if you promise to bow down to the might of He Who Controls the Penguin Legions and kill all who stand in His way of global domination.
It's obvious that neither of you are settling in the humor-oriented portion of my brain.
Ah wasnt trying to be funny, squirt. The bosses figured that ye didnt really need a name, so they just gave ye a serial number. Ye're not the only attempt to create- well, you. Actually, youre the 985th attempt, the only success Jusen Derria Kusio, or human-based hybridization. The translations a little rough, but it'll do. Ah never was very good at th' translations. Basically, it means that youre the first success out of 985 trials to create a human/alien hybrid. Technically, ye don't have a name. If ye want one, ah'm sure we can fix you up with somethin. Now, dont worry yer little head about Basket; ah can take care o' him.
That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. Honestly, you've got no idea what youre talking about, as our hybridic little friends name is-
Basket! Ah know what yer about ta say, and ah wont tolerate it! Ye're not allowed ta use profanity!
You realize how dumb a rule that is, right? Besides, I don't see why we can't call him -
Basket!
Its what he is, after all. He didn't have any parents, so they naturally can't be married.
Human-based hybridization? Profanity? Ill have to ask about that later. Anyway, back to the name. I thought about it. What was a name, anyway? A label, a description to others what youre personality and reputation are attached to. Considering that there was very likely no one else on this planet, I didn't really need one.
Well, ah guess well find one for ye later.
Why? The name I chose for him works quite well.
The name that ye chose was profane and disgusting! Who cares what ye think?
Well, Felicity does. At least, she seemed to like what I thought when I was showing her the true power of He Who Wields the Canines of Death.
How dare ye do that ta another persona without her consent!
I really wouldnt call it nonconsensual. After all, we both enjoyed it.
Take that back now, ye hear?
Maybe we should forget about the name issue for now. Can either of you tell me exactly what I'm doing here?
Ah can't tell ye that, but ah can tell ye that this river would make a perfect site for bunkin down for however long it takes you to get to the fusion era.
Forget about fusion. We should concentrate for finding you a nice hot female companion, since its obvious youre in desperate need of one. That and some good liquor. Forget about fusion; spirits and, as Regulator so naively calls it, whoopie, are the way to go.
Fusion. That sounds so familiar, but I cant place it- Just a moment, what river?
The one a few dozen meters away, kiddo.
Sure enough, there it was. Only about two meters in width, it seemed to have no end in either direction that I could see. The gushing water was flowing through the narrow gash in the land, never stopping, never ceasing. There were a few rocks protruding through the water. The mysterious liquid simply evaded all attempts to force it to stray from its driven course. The continual flow, set off by a black band of grains on either side, mesmerized me.
Not feeling strong enough to stand on my own without the Great Force overstressing my weak skeletal structure, I began to crawl over to the river to investigate. Without the strength to push myself into crawling on my hands and knees, I was forced to pull myself along on the ground, the soft soil proving nearly useless as a handhold to propel myself along towards my destination. Ever so slowly, I built up enough strength to push myself into a crawling position. By this time, I had finally reached my objective, and shakily placed one gloved hand in the black substance bordering the river.
Instantly, my appendage was pulled down into the grain-like band. Just as quickly, I began to panic as I realized that my arm wasnt coming out. Various attempts to pull out my beleaguered limb were all in vain. Hoping to pull the first arm out, I stuck the second one into the black depths.
You're such a blithering idiot. You lose control of one arm, and then you stick the other one into go dig it out?
Stop insultin' the lad, Basket! Ah won't have it on mah watch!
Reggie, you don't even have a watch, remember? Mr. Brilliant hasnt advanced to that age yet! All of us here in his noggin are stuck wearing fur and the only timepiece we have is a sundial! Oh, did I mention that since were in his brain, it wouldn't do a bit of good?
Stop complainin, fool! Ye dont hear the laddie bit...bit...c-complainin', do ye?
Regulator?
Yes, laddie?
Do something! I cant get my hands out of this black hole that is eating my arms!
You numbskull, that isn't a black hole, it's sand. You want a black hole; see Gluttons mouth, Mists anger, or Reggies incompetence.
Ye will die a slow, painful death, Basket...
Shut up, shut up, shut up! I dont care which one of you two does something! Just do something, and do it now!
Dont be so dramatic, laddie. Sand isn't goin ta kill ye. Just stop tensin' up and relax a bit. It isn't tough ta pull yer hands out if ye don't panic.
Sure enough, Regulator's advice worked. After making a conscious effort to quell my fear, I was able to dislodge my entrapped arms. Turning over onto my back, I decided to take a temporary respite to recover from my ordeal. The intense blue orb beating down upon me was bright, and my eyes involuntarily squinted. Stretching my arms over my head to restore circulation, I noticed something rather disturbing when I went to bring my hands forward once more.
When I had rested my arms, they had fallen back into the black sand and were trapped once more.
I heard two successive sighs.
We've got a lot o work ahead o us, Basket...
For once, I agree with you, Reggie.
It took a great deal of scolding and coaching from my two mental nuisances to dislodge myself once more from the entrapping grains. When I finally clawed my way back to soil, I lay on my back, closing my eyes and breathing slowly as my heartbeat slowly returned to normal. I felt myself depleted of vitality as I lay prone on the soft ground. While I rested and regained my strength, I asked Regulator why he didnt warn me about the treacherous sand before.
Ye were so concentrated on strengthening yer own body infrastructure that ye were completely isolated from outside o yer work, includin meh. But ye dont have ta worry anymore about that. We can chat now, and ah can warn ye about anythin too dangerous. Now, yer first assignment is ta head over ta th mountains over yonder.
Yeah. While youre strolling over to those mountains in perpetual boredom, Reggies going to go have all the fun that you cant get. Rasta-Reggie likes to do that, you know; he enjoys the power he has over pure and innocent personas while youre left out in the cold. Thats pretty typical of him. Now, if you were to accept the almighty truth of The Mutt-God, Im sure we could arrange something worthwhile
I decided to ignore Basket. Regulator, what am I supposed to do? Do I have an objective?
Well, lets see...ye won't be hungry for a while. Ye've got enough ATP stored in your body to last until a little after the Agricultural Revolution, but ye might want to work fast. Theres no tellin' how much time that'll be.
ATP?
Energy, kiddo.
Is that good?
Quite good.
I shall go convene with my high deity as to the answers you seek in the realm of agricultural knowledge. In the meantime, you should really start building an altar to sacrifice goats or rape virgins...then again, I doubt either are on this planet anyway, so we're out of luck.
Basket, when were we ever in luck?
Good point.
Again, I felt no great anxiety at the prospect of starving. One would think that I would be eager to get as much food as possible, but somehow, I remained calm- hold on. By energy, you mean I have food stored in me already? Besides, what do you mean by Agricultural Revolution? I'm getting irritated at all these terms you keep throwing at me!
He doesnt know anything, remember Reggie? All that he knows is spoken language and idiom. The rest he has to figure out for himself.
Ah know that!
Guys...
Th Designers charged meh with the lad's upbringing, and th' only reason that ah let ye talk ta him was because ah needed to keep an eye on ye ta make sure ye dont do anything in yer nature...in other words, idiotic.
Hello...anyone there?
On condition that you had Blue Collar install that da...dam...blasted profanity-lock!
And what a sweet thing it is!
Raising my mental voice, I nearly shouted. Guys!
Huh? Oh, sorry laddie. Lets see...what was ah saying before I was so rudely interrupted by Basket?
Agricu-something.
Ah yes, the Agricultural Revolution. What ah mean is farming. Yer energyll run out if ye dont get any food in ye, and fast. Ah can't tell ye where the energy you had in ye came from, but ah do know that ye'll find some seeds in that forest over there. Since we'll need some farming tools, stop by the hills first. We, and by that ah mean ye, are going to have to fashion a few other tools were going to need until we get into the Bronze Age: knifes, spears, hammers, hoes, rakes, pickaxes, shovels, and a good axe'll finish off our little ensemble.
One more question. Basket mentioned that I knew something called idiom...whats that?
Ah. Well, ye know what stem the tide means, dont ye?
Sure.
Well, ye know what that phrase means, but ye dont know what a tide is. Ye can make similes, metaphors, and other comparisons with language, but ye dont know why that is. Ye have ta figure that out for yourself. Get it?
Somewhat...
Since you two bookworms are so engrossed in this, Im going to go get a whiskey and some Femme. Do you want to come...oh wait. It's all in your mind, so I guess you can't yet. I'd ask Reggie, but hes impotent.
What?
How dare ye accuse meh of being impotent!
Can't knock it if its true
My eyes widened, and for more than one reason, because I actually did know what impotent meant. Poor Regulator, Im so sorry.
Ah'm not impotent!
Just keep telling yourself that, Reggie.
Ahem. How am I supposed to carry all that material back here in one trip?
Ah'm not imp- oh, forget it. Yeve got muscles designed for heavy labor. Yer built to carry massive objects without too much stress added to yer body. Besides, ah didnt mean in one trip, laddie. Ah meant that were going to need those soon, and we might as well get them after ye plant the seeds. Those plants take a while to grow, ye know. Then again, ah guess ye dont know.
Im glad I'm surrounded by such intelligent people...you guys could give a politician a run for his money.
What's that? And whats that tone youre using? You sound different.
The tone I'm using is called sarcasm. Lots of it. About politicians...forget it. I'll tell you later. I got to go let Reggie run himself hoarse now. Well, speak o' the devil...
Ah told ye ta get back 'ere and take your beatin' like a man! At least the kid can take his responsibilities like a man, can't ye?
I guess...so...what's a man?
You don't know what a man is? I don't believe this! I haven't had this much fun since I stole Roma's palette and framed Reggie for it!
Ye were th' one who stole it? Do ye realize what tha' woman made me do for her? Die!
Who's Roma? What's a palette?
Yer a man, kid. Ah'll explain later. Right now ah gotta go give Basket a little beatin!
As I walked towards the rolling hills, Regulator informed me of all I would need to know about farming. At least, with the current tools at our disposal. Im not sure how long it took me to travel to my destination, because the small blue sun in the sky didnt budge one bit, and I wouldnt know how to tell time by it anyway. The orb beat down upon me, slowly but surely frying my skin. During the infrequent times that I found a source of water, I dove in with little abandon and immersed myself in the current, letting the ice-cold water beat against my body, chilling and exhilarating me at the same time. The intense hot and cold slowly gave me resistance to both, and after a time, the bright sphere looming above me no longer felt like someone constantly driving a lava-rock onto me.
The hills were much smoother and striking in the distance. Up close, they were filled with jagged edges and unusual rock formations. The hills rose and fell in rolling motions, creating a beautiful pattern that was echoed only by the peculiar spikes and juts that pressed out from some hills like a knife. Some of the hillsides were as steep as mountains. Others were gentler slopes that took no rush in their race towards the sky. There were rocky slopes that had shelves of loose shale piled on top of each other.
As amazing as it was to stare at the hills that now enveloped me, I knew that there was work to be done. Spotting a long slab of rock with a wide, pointed end, I picked it up. According to what Regulator told me about tools, this would make a fine farming hoe. If only it had sharper edgeswell, Id have to work on that. Sliding the rock slab down the back of my jacket and shirt, the stone held between my skin and the constricting garments.
It took me some time- again, I had no idea how long, for the bright, blue globe in the sky hadnt shifted- to gather all the possible tools I needed for farming, and to find the seeds that Regulator insisted that I accumulate. The seeds were located in an open grove in the middle of the forest. There was a small stone platform on which a few seeds were situated, arranged in rows. It was as if someone had prepared these for my arrival. That might just be the case, considering what Regulator had told me about my origins.
Good job, laddie. Ye've found the seeds. Ah'll be contactin ye later, when ye figure out how to farm.
This's how the games played; we know how to do this stuff, but we're not going to tell you. Reggie won't do it because he's Overseer's little pet. I won't do it because its boring and doesnt relate back to the two most important things in life.
Alcohol and women?
You learn well, my young apprentice.
Do you realize how repetitive you are, Basket?
I'll take as many times as it takes to pound the right ideology into you, boy.
Just why can't I come up with my own ideology? Why must it be yours?
Well...I suppose I can't really stop you from believing what you will. All that I want is to make sure that you don't become an anal-retentive fascist like Reggie.
I stopped from my eager walk to return to what I designated to be my new "home," back near the river whose current never stopped. Regulator, what do you mean about contacting me later? Basket, don't answer. I dont want to know what you mean.
Ah've done all I'm allowed, squirt. Figure out how to farm, and ahll be able to talk to ye again. Good luck, kiddo.
Youre going to need a whole lot more then luck to pull this off, but I ain't telling you what!
What?
I already told you that Im not going to tell you that you have to...oops, you almost had me fooled. Good thing I caught that little slip-up, or a certain idiotic Scotsman would chase me, and that would be humiliating. See ya!
Huh? Oh, really intelligent conversation Im making.
Regulator?
Basket?
No answer. Regulator was gone, and so was Basket...
